The Volatile Crew of Freedom

I visited the Doulus Cruise today. The weather is nice but weary and people seem slightly friendly and happy for today, maybe it is due to my personal emotion that brought about such images. Well, there is seemingly cold breeze sweeping through my face, tenderly, softly, as if it is carrying away pieces of memories. When I walked on few steps on the cruise, after striving through whole lots of steps, I saw a girl, maybe a boy. I don’t know, maybe I am drunk and I don’t have the intention to focus on such minor thing. I’ll use a she, it makes everything seems emotional a bit.

Her leg high up, on the bars, leaning on a chair, writing on her small black notebook. What will be the content? Maybe its like some sort of voyage stories or maybe Pirates. It is the life a voluntary crew member. To rejoice in the physical freedom, to have a community of different races living together, spreading the Gospels together in one big cruise, free from the corrupted culture – a wonderful discretion method. For some city people, it might be a waste of time. Personally, I think this is all to big a miracle.

Yet, it is the surrounding, the everlasting scene of beauty. The pebbles-like light along the road, glimmering, yellow in colours, reminds me of different occasion of homecoming. My tears and bloods have been shed on this piece of land. I always long for some vacation or some migration to land over the sea, yet not knowing I am in such magnificent paradise. Every time I saw this scene, my heart broke down, my mind ponder for nothing, but the joy keeps filling me up and I feel that a repetition of this event will probably ensure the longevity of my life.

Often, we are too busy sorting out our own microscopic stuff and neglected everything around us, including people. We search for someone or something with higher status, to have the sense of longing, but are there moments when we should have the sense of belonging?

I love this piece of land, not by its status or its advancement. This humble land has been a stage for my life. My life was created here, destructed here, changed here, reborn here. Every soil and dust marks my presence and my identity and every piece of them have helped in forming me. For when I leave this land, to brought about something that is beneficial for those who have the great opportunity as I am, to live in such places. Believing that they will appreciate all the blessings, no matter in materials or emotions, they will rejoice and often reflect all the memories that have build up their triumphs.

Often, it is someone that marks the special moments of my life, not a great revolution, just slightly remarkable in my mind. A girl and a beautiful glimpse. That’s more than enough to create a heavy downpour of ambiguity in my feelings. Have I chosen the easy way rather than pursuing for what I have in my heart? As I said before, the instant and spontaneous sparkling of wine and fire.

merciful.

circus round-o-wheel

To see beauties crossing by, it stirs up some anonymous self-esteem. Believing that you are the smartest and most talented. Thanks to the brain and hormones. To be able to experience this spontaneous and instant ecstatic feeling is good and relieveing even. Well, it cause death also. i mean death in the heart and mind. It has relation with running. The scene passed by is ever-soothing and wonderful, and huge. Someone passed by, eyes turned, another more terrific organism in front of you. So, stay focus or in highness.

Ok, maybe it is not a very serious problem. Boy in love with a girl in the first sight (That is too degrading to use the word 'love', attracted perhaps) But, there will be few weeks of funny-love dreams, like I keep thinking this sudden crossing by, or the scene keeps popping out in my mind. And this happens for weeks... Perhaps I have this interest in things behind appearance. The concealing truth. At this stage of maturity or adolescence, everyone is facing peoblem about girl, relationship and whole universe that has anything to do with that two beautil thing. Maybe it is due to the social and popular culture that lays in front of all teenager and pre-adult.

They need attrativeness, something to experience, to touch, to smell? And people link the word emo with love. When there is love, there is no despair, no sadness, no grief. It is joy, not only emotionally but spiritually. That it keeps no record of wrongs, rejoice in truth but not to delight in evil. Mind it! DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL. No adultery, no nothing. What we've seen in tv programmes might be a whole lot of lies. ANd people try to be some sort of immitant to the seemingly glamorous life that they did not witness sight by sight. And pop!, they felt to the deepest trap filled with vagueness. Even when they fail, they did not realize. Love is not blind, we are.

Everything must be restored.

We are 'one' Chinese Comrades!

Blaming our ancestors provides you another excuse for forsaking yourself as yellow-skin.

Where and how you were born, no matter in what place, that's your love. Love it. Rejecting it doesn't makes people think that you are cool. just a lil moron with no cultural background, which means, in another word, worthless nuisance. I am not condemning someone, I hope so, this may sound harsh, but yellow-skin is in fact a blessing.

The ancient words and poem is a description of our roots. Speaking of music, contemporary and popular, those are just constant trap for us, a mistake, us who are lost. To find way out in instruments and words. Music is rooted in words, Melody and rhythm are the expression of inner heart, so do poems, stories and arts. Is the expression, phenomena, atmosphere that counts. Saying, skills do matter but with no fundamental wisdom in the deeper one, such worthless music is produced. Those are just contrast and static show-off piece of self acknowledging piece of defined-by-popular-ideas art. Those are condemned! Perhaps constant indulge in the liquefied pieces will flew your ideas of inner-self away. You don't who you are, why you are here. The root becomes diminished and constant remembrance of the brokenness of war. War kills, peace heals.

Common enough for the infant to prove that. Please don't be cool by just portraying the facade that you have no greater knowledge in, trying to be in coherent with the community in all streams. Wired yourself up to the rock hard foundation. Flying around with paradise flower doesn't prove you are greater or wiser but be immersed in the total blindness and death. Be fire, my boy.

Pondering while running, the trees aren't beautiful at all, women are. Such creations have distinguished characteristics and features, unable to put it all into words, those are emotional inspiration. Lot of tears,lots of sweats. Everything goes round and round and becomes affectionate. We are too vulnerable to everything that surround us, say, we might pick up something and when it bores us, we throw it away. (often applicable to the same species as us). That is the natural state of being common in uniqueness. When something is abandoned, no one cares. When something is on the top of the line, it seems like those are 'worthy' enough to die for. Nevertheless, there are 'someone' that last, very much, still exist(even in small popularity) among the community.

Yet, the root is abandoned, everyone is dying and killing for the popular and common one.

May you be a hippies rather than a celebrities. With no pipes, clean and fresh, with no dependency on materials and self-generated 'Ecstasy'.

The death of handbags and heels.

Her facial expression is covered with despair,sadness, grief, like the look of some heavily affected New Yorker. Perhaps that atmosphere in his career is what makes her 'beautiful' in such a way wthat fulfill the fantasy of the opposite sex. Been talking and criticising a lot about the outside world, not doing my own job. At least, what I have been doing will smoothed my inner being a bit. She remains anonymous. The early maturity stages and indulgence have brought her into another atmosphere of nightmares. She is in Hollywood yet also in San Fernando Valley. Triumph in career and striking appearance contrasted the downcast in her soul. Her eyes, charming, but there is this little secret inside it, striving to let out, but the surrounding does not allows. Tyra Banks has done a good job, both in mentoring and as a friend, yet she never gives in. Why a girl with such standard like to put herself in the dreams of others? The contrast in his 'performing' career and 'acting' career have a vast difference.

Will there be a sudden personality disorder or is it existing since she was born? I don't like judging people by how their works strike me in my mind, but based on what I could witness, that's all I could say. It is her way of life, but by writing down the moments as a small memoir, at least, the words create a post that last forever and will be remark unto the past.

When Like is able to go easier and that the perspective will not be slightly tougher, I mean we don't really want or even need those handbags and heels that are sealed with respective hardcore brand. It creates a sudden visual and strange galaxy that let us ponder, strolling.

The girl wears and tears, picks up and throws it.

Have you been blinded? There are obvious and scary faces around you, yet you Don't fear. You respect the needs of the lost, you hurt yourself by letting them treated you with rope and disgusting materials, your tears dropped, we saw it, t is not an effect, nor a director's requirement, its you heart drops. Your heart is in pain, It screAMS and cries. Any moments, seconds, there is blood and tears of innocence and virginity drop on the ever-evil earth.

If you are willing, please read and ponder. I would like to see a new, fresh and re-born girl, vibrantly greeting all strangers in the sunshine way. It reminds me of the childhood that I have ever wanted, but spoilt. It's a regression but worth it, you moved the mountain, you triumph over the clouds, and it will succeed only with the blessing of light, showering love. Not the deceitful culture of purse, sport cars, handbags, cosmetics, heels...

May the peace of God be with you. There is always light in the darkness that you are in.

vivid scenario of flashback and trespassing.

The industrious ideas of money and fame strike and change the lives of many. Up and down.

They seems to be enjoying in deep pain. but it is the long-forgotten root that captured them in pain and bondage. There is no way out without really chopping off the root of all evil. Childhood experience, family background, environmental factors... What if there is love for a child? With the toast of innocence?

We are made of love, nourished with love. In deep heart, I felt lonely, yet the fundamental solitary moment define my feeling more precisely and appropriately. green solitude, refreshing and renewed heart

I came across these two foundations and ministry, namely XXXchurch and Pink Cross Foundation. Brilliant work and enormous contributions to the society!

They selfless non-heroic efforts in helping those who are in the pornographic industry, not typically 'saving', but merely helping those who need to get out of that dirty job. They never lose their mind and quit, an thanks to Jesus Christ, for He is the only reason for their mission. To clean the society from all secual immorality. However, these unlimited seats are reserved for those who have the heart to turn away for good. Nor forceful but in need of a willing and determinated heart of striving in joy for liberty and freedom from what used-to-be smaeful industry. Nowadays, there tonnes are around us who are indirectly conversating with this dirt industry. Is it worth it to sacrificice your future and coloured your life with guilt and shame for the sake of a few pieces of skins and temporary pleasure? Those pleasure should be reserved for your precious spouse, they deserve it and it is the main foundation of aa strong and long lasting marriage and pure intimacy.

When there are lives to be saved in the society, often they are rooted in vulnerability that define their future in such way, we still continue our mundane and routine works of selfishness. Well, I have no idea how to reach onto these troups of will-be-found-one-day people. Social Networking is just wayd not to reach people, but peep in people's face in anonymous state and that covers the real identity and purposes. When will it be us who change the social networking system into a device that favours us rather than us serving a slaves unto this high-tech and user-friendly system?

throw your amp

No theological theory, no philosphy behind it, no deep and head-scratching definition, juts the pure medley of observation and naive mentality with a dip a purity.

It contains no fuss, no distraction, just mrerely focus, concentration, eye contact, the ambience in it, that mantains the naturality of being, dip of silence, silence for the closest and intimate unknown, understand, how tiny we are.

There is nothing big blocking on the road. Straight, ordinarily-broad, happy, joyful pathway to the ever-peaceful land. The everland. Paradise. However, the roadside 'things' are doing something, distracting, annoying, yet I enjoyed every posture that they bring me, it intrigues me, into movements of my own. I don't have this consciousness that someday and somewhere I will have the possibility of being drop dead. Suddenly. Abruptly. Spontaneously. Noone knows about it. It may shock everyone around me and it has a direct relation with the range of my social circle. Maybe I won't influence the globe too much, don't bother people's life too much, just the matter of not existing. But, where will I be at that moment? I never questioned myself like that at that moment, when I am conditionally young and lost in some way, lost uncosciously. The dealt with temptation has somehow brought me into sub-consiousness and somehow brought me into a forest of uncertainty. I deteriorate,. wholly. I degrade people eaily and by sight. Eye-stripping candyy. This may have cause small impact on others but the games that I play in mind corrupt my whole system. My everything is in debt, mortgaged to this 'game'. I thought of quiting, but I can't. It has been a thing in my heart. To put it into words, in order to remove it thoroughly or rather in a sanitary way, I need something to replace it, not its role, but its position in my life. A great position that dominates my sight and how I look at the universe. And this 'someone' to replace this 'thing' has to be someone interesting, stable and powerful.

There is no Superman or Ninja Turtle to save my life. The popular culture has create total fantasies that enable us to pause for few moments from the mundane and 'Wall street' life. (so how'cha going, MR Wall street? Cracking pieces?), but for a long term indulgences, it ruins.

It has nothing to do with confessions, but reflection on my past. Nostalgic creepy pathway, below sea and above the sky. If only there is a day, where I can sleep for 10 hours a day, wake up at 10, have a cup of tea or juices maybe, plastered myself to the computer for hours, with a lil entertainment, how restless it can be. Everything I do it alone, boredom strikes in tasks of depression, raining clouds with moody sensation.

I wish it would rain soon. Maybe now,

man-made sky

As we all act and thought, we done clean our 'window' well, we decorated it with fuss and other that may be reliable in covering the inner us. Judgemental personality might play a part in this, making all thing goes worst. None can really stop for few moments and recall what we have done that tears others apart, we only care for what is in front of us. WE strive to get it, we killed to succeed in greed and pride, that just make everything goes in orders, in reluctance, in scars.

Maybe the so-called body-promoting actors and actress (the one that is plating a major role in nowadays teenager's mind, and also adults) trying to pursue liberty and democratic mentality, using their background to create a sudden illusion that brings everything in such a mess, just as the condition in their industries, No sanitary. Smoking pot, Heroins, you name it, they could have sacks of it. There is connection between the both industries. What makes law and legalistic? Everything that most people agree on for the temporary and speechless desire, just for a few decades before it worsen into a certain degree. The black may someday become the purest thing in front of us. Believing that legalism and law will sustain our right and freedom? I am in no party of saying that. Te ridiculous revenue just makes me ponder for a few moments, those money, those sacrifices, is like a mud of excreted materials, excess, dirty, unworthy, yet it seems appealing to us, and we do kinda enjoy it, we admit, momentarily. Momentarily. The world that put all pleasure into an end, a dead end. Will us someday realize that our mental conditions have led u astray, way back into ignorance, into stupidity, into craziness. Bunch of UN-civilized.

What taught us? Maybe music videos, movies, musics and pornography are their parents. Call them brother. They killed us, piece by piece, pancake-blood-like.

To apologize, to those whom I hurt consciously and unconsciously, these words are just the only way to conceal the scar inside me. The scars bounded by happiness and jot, the love of God, how great, yet sometimes, man-made materials might attempt in breaking everything apart, let the tears put an end to all the destruction. This is the technologically-generated scars. How long to go? 3-4 years? decades? or forever?

Love is not a pancake-sized coverage of definition and activities, but the start of everything that we can't comprehend the meaning of this word too well, we are not enough of it. Yet, by knowing myself better in clean and refreshing aspect, independence of popular culture and the 'soothing' voice by the ear, I am made of love. WE are made of love. how tender, how sweet, how precisely, that we are made, 'needles and threads', in human mentality, pieces by pieces. Piled up in perfection. (sleeping at last)

May you realize that love is with you,the love of everything in moderate consciousness. May the peace not be in silence, but rioting with calmness, comforting us in every aspects, to relieve us, to heal us.

bun,

cleaning procedure on.

When is the time when we seek for freedom again? I mean even friends can sometimes trap you in cages. Depressing moment, is the most vulnerable moment. I tend to think in a bad way! Peak imaginative view, it spoils my mind, dropping dropping....

When is the time that we hang out and at least bring nothing with us. Burden strangling yet it is why we grow. In sea and on land. Out with the fuss, here we go, superman. What we need is just bun and buns. To eat and to throw. To wash and to soak in full liberty, my sister, where had you'ven been?

Go green with the sister, bluff all the way in the highway, clean you peace, there ain't any of them, but don't give them yourself, you stay. Strolling, keep walking, don't date. Everything is wasted and busted, buddylist C?UT. Centrefold.

Heree we go, another ka-cha. Annoyingly blue, read the whole stack, yet brainless. When will we be the new white for the black? Earn white spend black, coat and pajamas, a medley, delicious trend. Music? ah-ya, forgot about the band, I think that ends everthing. I haven been speaking for a long time, my mouth smells.

rainbow hen

melodic, falsetto, soulful.

O. Another week of ecastacy and struggle to come. To face it, we used to it. I've seen the difference between black and white. Myself is covered with black paint that bring me far away from the peace that I am looking for. Then, what shall we really do to really find the truth of my life? I feel like I am away from my path, gone stray. Waiting for another free time to free myself into the woods and be hippies without smoking pot. To live with the green and fresh things that we used to love. Fantasizing, a big word yet suitable for the atmospheric and cal situation that I am imagining. To bring my laptop and speakers deep into the midst of fresh breeze and streams, the tenderness of air swept across my cheek, love, how nice is it?

Recentlt, I came across an isolated yet famous land or country-Iceland. Icelandic greeness may be the background for the white sigur ros. Yeah, the medley of computer generated melody and intrumental tunes.

Guitar, bow, please choose me.