The Great Devastation

Dear the One,

For so many years, I will only feel free and experienced in your way when I am with someone else or in another term, not alone. When I am alone, as if I am the only one exist, I tend to challenge although intellectually I know I couldn’t. But sometimes, the consciousness has been fruitful but the outcome is not obvious. I know that I am saved, but I chose to walk back the time and willing to forsake you for the sake of pleasure. I wouldn’t say that the feeling of being saved lasted for long but only one year, and I think I have the wrong strategy to possess and utilize the Good News. People around are as liberal as they seem to be and as filthy as they are. They look so perfect in their own corrupted and succeeded and spectacularly flawless. I wouldn’t pray that I will be like them, but at least, get rid of my own problem Books and words have spoke to me that this problem will never be solved as it is an everlasting journey. Actually, I comprehend this very well. But a single step and few minutes will ruin my feeling and bring my mental and light into spasm. They died down. I am as an entertainer, by no means, helping people, though, sometimes not effectively but tend to let the yesteryear nightmare haunt me down into everlasting burning fire. Every time, after I repeated the same old mistake, I come to you and in the evening, I felt as if I am cleansed. Nevertheless, what lay in front is uncertainty and I tend to compromise and procrastinate and the whole process repeated itself again. No one cares about and in my heart; faith is like something you do alone, which is strictly false. But.. What can I do?

Pages and faces reveal only the best side of it and the flaw remains as dirty little secret. And in this age, the dirty little secret have been transformed into topics that are healthy and beneficial. Is it the true or just another blasphemy from human origin? I can’t be certain and confirmative that I will not bring myself in such stupid valley, but I think I’ll try. Try to make everything and welcoming, instead of judging things and criticizing people.

Pieces of purity have shed off and what is left? A dark and poisonous metal furnished by mankind’s glitter.